19 Ağustos 2011 Cuma

ilk defa kafam guzel degil ve turkce yaziyorum

farkettim ki kafam guzelken oluomus bu ingilizce yazma istegi. boyle kafam acikken yazinca ki cok nadir gelir bana oyle bi istek turkce de yazabilirmisim.
Burayi bayadir bos birakmisim kadim dostum kemalin bisey hatirlatmasiyla fazla dusunmek zorunda kaldim bi yaziyim yine dedim. yaklasik 1 sene once dogum gunumde gunlerimiz yakin diye beraber aradan cikarirken bir video cekelim demisti konusu " seneye bugun nelerin degismesini istersin "   birden simsekler cakti hssktr dedim ben ne haldeyim. ne hlde oldugumu dusunmeye basladim videoda dersleri bi yoluna koymak lazim diyodum. "" check!"" biraz para kazanio olsam iyi bizimkilerden yemek istemiorum artik
Demisim. ""Check !"" eve cikmis oliyim demisim ""check !"" e bi de kiz arkadasim olsun cok yakin degil ama 1 seneyide bulmasin demisim. "" failed! "" e hepsini yapmisim 1 senelik planimda olan bitek kiz arkadas kalmis. once bi gurur duydum kendimle sonra dank etti kafama artik bi kiz bulmanin zamani gelmis diye. gecmis bile. gercekten hazir hissettim kendimi. daha oncesinde de vardi istek ama oyuncak olsun diye gibiydi. simdi (ha bu arada size psikolojimin oldukca iyi oldugunu . kafa yapan seyler bir suredir gercekten nadiren kullandigimi sigarayida oldukca azalttigimi ve 10 kiloya ykin verdigimi soylemek istedim. ) oldukca sakin ve net kararlar verebildigime . acik kafa oldugum icin gereksiz takintilar bulanikliklar venet dusunememe durumlari olmadigi icin ve kndimi tekrar tanidigim icin. artik hazir oldugumu biliyorum.

Neyse iste yani baska bisey gelmedi aklima ben artik kcar.

Adios muchachos  XOXO
Serhat ben

20 Aralık 2010 Pazartesi

You know.

I was just wondering, do people change or not ? Don't know how this even came up to my mind but i did think a lot and couldn't really decide which one is the right answer.. or is there even a right answer at all ?

Ok here we go, we born, grow up then there is this actual living part before we die. Why i said it's  the only part that we live? Well i think it's because, the explanation of the live word is a little different for me. I mean living as a humanbeing. the life itself is like evolution, when we first born. we are a total parasite then we get to being a child where we still are a parasite but now with dreams. Dreams of growing up, dreams of doing stuff on our own, dreams of "living" then we get to be a teenager where we are totally fucked up trying to find who the hell we are. It's not just because a fucking chemistry and hormones. We have these dreams in our hand surrounding us, shaping us like a play-doh. Or.. well trying to shape us.. Trying ; because we meet another thing that tries to shape us. Environment. That's exactly why we are angry and fucked up. We see everything as they're trying to intrude our most intimate and the only and only thing that will belong to just ourself. Our personality.

So from this we can assume we don't want to change. Right ? Whatever let's just go on.

I watched a guy talking about something i dont really care at the moment but the speech was kinda backing up my case. He asks some people at different ages saying " let's stop the wars"

He says it to his little daughter and the answer is " Yeah ! Let's do it pa ! "
He says it to his nephew who is a teenager. and the answer is still positive.. " Yeah, lets find out how we can do it and then do it "
Then he goes on to his friend which is around 40s .. the answer is " Get the fuck off ! "
And the last one is his mother .. she doesn't even care about the idea and says " Stop these crappy thoughts and get a real job."

Why are these all different ? Is it because they changed ? Then people should be getting cruel in years. Or is it because their environment changed ? Makes more sense i guess ?

On the other hand. Human never stops wanting stuff, never stop evolving. So this could lead a person to actually want to change. This could be for a lot of reason. make more money, get laid or whatever he thinks he will be happier when he has that, and they do think about changing their personality or end up changing personality because of the reasons that lead the person want to have that thing which will make him happier. Another outside effect to persons  mind.. but we need to ignore it here because as i said people can think about just changing without any outside effect.

By the way i just realized i just said we get angry in teenage only. well it's not like that any time in our life we do get angry and teact to that (usually harsh) when someone or something tries to intrude our personality or tries to change it.. easy example; our relationships..

Thus far ... we got nothing .. i can't even decide if people wants to change or not.

Though i am sure about one thing. People, do want to have a reminder or a connection to who they were before. like it can be a tattoo, or some people fill that blank with their diaries.
Here comes an idea..  Maybe people really want to change but they're just scared ? And maybe those reminders, connectors just help them with this ? So they always know that there is a going back aswell when they screw up. they always carry that chance with themselves so they are not scared of changing anymore..

So.. here is where i ve come .. people change when they re over themselves. When they beat the scare that holds them back from changing.

ok thats it..  cya

27 Kasım 2010 Cumartesi


Well as you all know i moved out and i ve got my new own home. It's actually really good, i mean i am happy with moving out. It's like this was all i was missing the whole time. Living spontaneous. haven't done much yet since there are still some stuff should be done with the house. but i really do what i want and i do it right away. This also means i drink a lot though. not good for sure.

Till now it was really really good. Except some stuff. But things started going a bit wrong with my life. I'm not really ready to speak about them and also i'm not yet sure about them either. So i'll skip the worrying about myself part for now.

Need to talk about some funny stuff. Like i still couldn't do any laundry yet. First i dont have that thing to hang them for drying and also i don't have any detergent aswell. For that reason i'm addicted to detergent commercials so i can pick a good one :) I'm really scared of messing up my clothes to be honest.

Whatever.. seems like i'm not smashed enough to write yet maybe i post another one tonight after a bit more drinks.
Cya buds .. and thanks for reading..  Cheers !

31 Ekim 2010 Pazar

Since, Now and Then...

Since some changes occuring in my life that might effect the whole damn future i felt like i needed to write, so here i am.

First, some may think that why the hell i'm writing in English ? Simple answer : Because i suck writing stuff in Turkish, i just can't. Really! I feel better while writing in English so whether like or not, this will be the way i will be writing. At least for now.

About those changes i mentioned, maybe i'm just dramatizing the situation but what the hell thats me. First move i broke up with Duygu (again ? yeah but for all this time :)), my three and a half year GF. Some might not believe this after all and i totally can understand what they think, but i can surely, positivle can say this is for real. I can say that because this feels right. I'm just this once comfortable with the idea and seriously have no regret doing this, just this once out of all those shit fights and break ups. So eventhough i don't know how true is that i am happy or i think that way. It's kinda confusing me sometimes that i think i might be pressing my feelings, but it also leads that my mind has control over my feelings. That's what i like so i "should" be happy right ?

Whatever the second big change, believe it or not this is even bigger than the first one. I quit fucking WoW ! For real! Hell yeah ! Well i might seem too happy about that, you think so? Well that's pretty much because i still struggle with the idea of quitting WoW, it's pretty much a detox to me atm. So bitchas !  do not fucking poke me to come back to wow if you're reading this! I do hope i can quit for real cuz i saw that i may have a lot of free time when i don't play.

The last change that i want to mention and the one i'm pretty new, i'm moving out. The idea is kinda cool and freaky aswell at the same time. It's cool in a lot of ways and they re mostly about fun... yeah you got it. On the other hand, i,m pretty much leaving the life i have been living for 22 years. It feels like my whole lifestyle gonna change with this. ( already mentioned that i might be dramatizing ) but anyway my life is going to change and no one likes changes ( at least i dont ) so it's freaky that way. It's freaky because i don't know whats on the otherside. Well some might like the idea of not knowing what comes next, but i think i'm a total control maniac. That's why i don't like changes. That is why i couldn't break up with Duygu earlier, and that is also probably why i am freaked out of moving out. Wish there was a F8 button in life.

As upcoming stuff... I fucking wanna quit smoking, started to annoy me that i can't !!!  Even now when i think about smoking, i just want to smoke right away.

Anyways.. to the changes.. cheers !